The court can modify a custody order if (1) the child is at least 12 years of age and expresses a preference of which parent he or she prefers to live with in chambers to the court, and (2) it is in the best interest of the child. Have an order for supervised visitation only drawn up, file it at the clerks office yourself, with your daughter as the plaintiff seeking relief, or minor child seeking relief and that loser will back way off. I really don't want my son to end up suffering more than benefiting. Child support is based on the policy that both parents are obligated to support their children, even when the children are not living with both parents. Jill writes: Please give me some help and advice. Keep in mind, however, that the preferences of kids and their best interest are not always one and the same thing. Talk to your ex about the kinds of options I've suggested above. Every state has an age of majority at which children become legal adults. In Massachusetts, children can’t “decide” where they will live until they are at least 18 years old. Brette's Answer: There is no law about this. Mr. Camp used the wealth of experience of Cordell & Cordell attorneys to bring tangible answers to reader questions in Ask a Lawyer articles, as well as offer a step by step process through the divorce experience with Cordell & Cordell Co-Founder and Principal Partner Joseph E. Cordell in Divorce 101: A Guide for Men. The judge does not have to follow the child’s wishes. See Tex. Tracy's Question: My 17 year old has had some issues with his dad and on occasion has refused to go to the visitation. Show More. Would a judge order counseling if my son doesn't want to see me? Your opinion is very important to the court. A child can decide about visitation when he is 18 or no longer a minor (at which point visitation is no longer needed). On MensDivorce.com, he concentrated on issues, such as parenting time, custodial rights, mediation, the division of assets, and so much more. Mat Camp is a former Lexicon Services Online Editor, who focused on providing a comprehensive look into all aspects of the divorce experience. The boys go to their dads each month, holidays, 6 weeks in summer, spring break, etc. The age at which a child can decide the amount of time they spend with each of their parents will depend on a number of factors. However, Massachusetts courts must consider a child’s custodial preference when the child is mature enough to have a rational opinion. Encouraging Visitation. What to consider if you are thinking about doing your own divorce. I cannot drag him out the door -- what steps do I take so the court will know I have tried to enforce the visitation schedule? Would the judge at least order counseling for my son and me? If you have a written agreement that your daughter could choose to go or not, he doesn't have much to stand on to accuse you of custodial interference. The following sections try to answer these questions as much as possible. Now that being said, I completely understand your worries about what is happening at his house. A judge may order a visitation or custody arrangement that doesn’t align with a child’s preference. What is my responsibility in trying to force him to go? His lawyer said at the admit/deny hearing that it is their plan to lock me up at the hearing and pick up my daughters. What are the chances he'll get visitation? Linda's Question: My 16 year old son does not get along with is dad and does not want to go to his house for visitation. It's also very responsible of you to follow the court order - you don't want to find yourself in contempt of court. It's not really up to you - she's old enough that her opinion will be what the court listens to. Visitation, like child support, is a critical matter in a child custody agreement, so there could be legal implications for violating the order. If your state is similar to Pennsylvania, then the court should hold the custodial parent responsible for ensuring the minor child/children see the noncustodial parents according the custody schedule. If you give in, you're giving the child control of the situation. Brette's Answer: You can subpoena her counselor. Learn how to save time, money, and turmoil. On the contrary, if the court believes interviewing the child is appropriate, the judge will weigh the child’s opinion equally with the other above-listed factors. In Mississippi, “visitation” is the time a child spends with a noncustodial parent and is a very important subject for many parents involved in divorce or custody cases. He might have very specific things that bother him that could be changed, for example having to spend time with his dad's girlfriend or not being allowed to see his friends while at his dad's house. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), consult a domestic litigation attorney in your area, at what age can a child refuse visitation, Why Depositions are Important in Divorce – Men’s Divorce Podcast, Divorce Court in Small or Rural Towns: Special Considerations – Men’s Divorce Podcast, How Hiring a Divorce Attorney Might Save You Money – Men’s Divorce Podcast, Click here for a full listing of offices nationwide. Also, how old does a child have to be to refuse visitation? Category: Family Law. At What Age Can a Child Refuse Visitation in California? A child over the age of 12 is allowed to give testimony, either in the courtroom or in chambers, in order to express the child’s preferences. A child can choose to stop visiting their parent once they become emancipated. I would suggest you try to find a compromise. If you want to modify … The truth is that in Texas, a child cannot decide which parent shall have custody. Try to get a restraining order or appeal to a judge, at this point you are the only one who can stop it. And you can focus on helping your daughter cope with whatever outcome you have by having her see a counselor who can help her work through her feelings about her dad. Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email. However she is too old for him to force it through the courts. Can he force visitation if my almost 18 year old doesn't know him? Depending on what the therapist says custody may need to be adjusted. Of course, as your child grows older, it can be difficult to “force” him or her to adhere to the visitation schedule. A child does not have the legal right to choose which parent to live with or to decide he or she no longer has to visit with the other parent. Legal Age For Child To Choose Custody. Remember, a temporary or pendente lite custody order is not a final order. I would also suggest you talk to the coach and explain the situation. Child support and visitation are two separate things, What to do when your child resists visitation. Janet's Question: My 2 daughters are 9 & 12. Visitation is designed to benefit the child, not the child’s parents. A child cannot unilaterally opt out of a parent's court-ordered possession, regardless of age. There is no set age at which a child can decide if they wish to visit with a parent, except that once the child is 18 years of age, s/he is no longer considered a minor and visitation orders do not apply to the child (absent special circumstances such as a guardianship for a disabled child, etc.). After a child attains this age, he has all the legal rights of an adult, including the ability to decide with whom he wants to associate. Show him you want to make it work. Instead of going to stay at his dad's house, what if he just had dinner with him or went to a sporting event one night a week or once every two weeks? The answer is that there is no magic age. If she doesn't see him can he stop the child support? Help! My 14 year old daughter does not want to visit with her father. A parent may also be asking themselves, "At what age can a child decide if they want to visit the other parent?" Find out what's going on and see if there are any fixes. Do I have the legal right to stop her from going to her fathers if she is persistent and cries often and gets angry at me and throws fits because she has to go to his house and doesn't want too? However, I have encouraged him to go anyway. In Georgia, once a child turns 14 he or she may choose which parent will be their primary custodial parent, however, there are instances when a judge can overrule the child’s election. Then try to create coping mechanisms to deal with those concerns. © 2001-2021 WomansDivorce.com. Until then, if there is court-ordered visitation, it must be followed. To arrange an initial consultation to discuss your rights for men with a Cordell & Cordell attorney, including Pennsylvania divorce lawyer Amy Humbert, contact Cordell & Cordell. This is an urban myth that must be debunked. All rights reserved. Share this conversation. Our daughter was already in counseling at the time, but the counselor has refused to write a letter or appear in court over fears of being sued by my ex. Asking for some visitation and counseling is an excellent idea. Lisa Karges, Florida Resident Partner - Tampa, FL. Will a judge grant this if the child doesn't even want to go for a weekend? This is not at all abnormal. Show Less. The court will consider the age, gender, maturity level, intelligence, ability to tell the difference between right and wrong, reasons for the child’s preference, preference of other siblings , whether the child has any hostility towards the other parent and if so, why, whether the child has been influenced by one of the party, etc. Breaches of parenting orders. There’s not a set age at which a child can refuse visitation. Brette's Answer: No you don't. Although a child can never decide issues relating to custody or visitation, Tennessee law requires a court to consider the wishes of a child over the age of 12 when making visitation related decisions. Withholding visitation can be grounds for a change in custody, so you don't want to go there. Giana Messore licensed in AR only – Little Rock, AR. My 9 year old son is expressing a lot of dissatisfaction about having to miss out on his key events to visit his father. I think your attorney ought to be communicating the situation to your ex's attorney - that would be the easiest way to resolve this. A finding of child abuse is significant and persuasive to the court. There are alternatives. FREE BACKGROUND INFORMATION AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST. Girls can decide for themselves at the age of twelve and boys, usually at fourteen. 415 (N.C.App. Answered in 5 minutes by: 3/27/2008. unless the child is not safe in that environment. The court works with both parents to agree about primary physical custody and a visitation schedule. Brette's Answer: I think it's terrific that you have made the effort to allow your daughter time with her father. His father is not going to fight me for custody. At other times, a child may feel bitter about the non-custodial parent's significant other. In Georgia, once a child turns 14 he or she may choose which parent will be their primary custodial parent, however, there are instances when a judge can overrule the child’s election. Cutting him out of your life completely is not the answer. Am I held responsible if my teenager refuses to visit his father? Do I have to make my child visit her father? However, once they become teens, it is harder to force them to go. What would be best is if your son could learn to have an independent relationship with his dad where he arranges time to spend together on his own. Contact. On the other hand, it is pretty difficult to force a teenager to visit the other parent if they don’t want to. You would not be required to show a substantial change in circumstances to have custody changed in the "permanent" custody order. Also, how old does a child have to be to refuse visitation? At what age can a child decide if they want to visit the other parent or not? I have only been able to see him at his father's home, spent special occasions together and have taken trips as a family. Your daughter's feelings are important, but as her parent, you have to look at the big picture and see that it is important for her to have a relationship with both of her parents. Is he encouraging them to go? The fact is that you can't change who he is and neither can your daughter. Remember, I am unable to provide you with anything more than general divorce tips, so please consult a domestic litigation attorney in your area to obtain specific advice as to the laws in your state and how they impact your potential case. There is no specific age when a child gets to decide where they live, but generally, the older the child, the more weight that child's desires are given by the court. When can a child decide whether to visit or not? She is willing to visit but she doesn't want to sleep over. Modifying the Custody Order. The wishes and feelings of a child below the age of 11 may be taken into account but will not usually carry such weight. The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely upon advertisements. It’s common for parents to ask at what age their child can decide custody. A judge will enforce visitation orders or even hold a parent in contempt if that parent is preventing visits between the child and the other parent. Hancock v. Hancock, 122 N.C.App. My son is very upset because he may be eliminated from the team if he continues to miss games/practices. Applicable here is the second ground. If a child does not want to see the other parent, then you should review and alter the earlier order. Brette's Answer: I think it is good to never give up on your child. This is an urban myth that must be debunked. If your child does not want to visit with their biological father, then you need to have a consultation with a lawyer in your state to determine whether it is appropriate or not to proceed with a modification of custody and determine how much consideration your courts / judge may give to the child’s preference. Also, visitation generally ends at age 18 when the child becomes an adult. The question here is how is your ex handling this? Get an attorney and present your allegations to the court about why he should not have custody. You need to get an attorney. There is a fine line between a parent violating a visitation order and the child actively resisting visitation to the point the parent can’t compel visitation. If you want a change, you need to show the court why the current plan isn't working and how a change would help the kids. A child at least 16 years of age can seek a change in custody on his/her own. She doesn't want to as she is not comfortable with him as he drinks a lot. These are the kinds of issues that need to be addressed. And can’t decide themselves which parent … Instead, I would suggest several things. If you don’t comply with the visitation schedule, you can get in trouble for not making them go. To summarise: until a child is 18 years or older, they are considered a minor. Why is your son afraid? In New York, what age can a child refuse visitation with the non-custodial parent? The child doesn't get to decide until the age of 18. Of course, as your child grows older, it can be difficult to “force” him or her to adhere to the visitation schedule. Visitation is designed to benefit the child, not the child’s parents. However, there's no specific age when a child can choose to live with one parent over the other. A child so close to majority usually has his preference followed. At What Age Can a Child Choose Custody in New York? My son is 12 and will be 13 in March. Does my daughter still have to see him? Brette's Answer: No court is going to force a 17 year old to go on visitation if he doesn't want to. Ask Your Own Family Law Question. Can a teen to choose if they want go for visitation or not? He's likely to get nowhere. In divorce, one parent is often awarded custody or, where there is joint custody, is designated as the primary residential parent. There’s no set age when a child can refuse visitation. CORDELL & CORDELL, ST. LOUIS, MO. It also sounds like the exchanges are filled with tension and this could be making your son upset, or more upset. Posted By Law Office of Dennis R. Vetrano, Jr., LLC There is a misconception floating around about children being able to choose which parent to live with once they reach a certain age, such as 12, 13, or 14. However, Massachusetts courts must consider a child’s custodial preference when the child is mature enough to have a rational opinion. My 14 year old triplet boys refuse to meet him and spend time with us as a couple. Is it hard to deal with school while going and back and forth like this? The key to this conversation is to try to approach it like you and he are solving a problem together, not as if you are confronting him (and this is not to say you aren't totally entitled to do so, but it's not going to be productive). Category: Family Law. It’s a common misconception that once a child reaches a certain age, that child can decide which parent should have custody. A judge can overrule a child’s preference at any age; however, the preferences of older, mature children are given added weight in custody proceedings. Remember your role as a parent . If you breach a parenting order without a reasonable excuse, the court can order you to participate in a parenting program run by an approved counselling service. Whatever the reason, it can put you in a bad position. No. Don't accuse and don't judge. 1996) The court found insufficient evidence to support a finding that mom willfully refused to allow father visitation with the child. Office in Ridgeland, MS. Post was not sent - check your email addresses! At that point, it is up to the child and parent to continue their relationship as they wish. Usually, this happens around age 12. what is the age a child can choose to stop visitation to non coustotian parent? I try to tell him it is court ordered and he should try to improve his relationship by going and talking to his dad. Typically, a child has a say on visitation after divorce when the child is considered old enough to make an informed choice an express an opinion. As such, you could be in trouble if you don’t comply with the court’s child custody order on visitation. Joseph Cordell, Principal Partner, licensed in MO and IL only. What is the age a child can choose to stop visitation to non… Customer Question. Although a child can never decide issues relating to custody or visitation, Tennessee law requires a court to consider the wishes of a child over the age of 12 when making visitation related decisions. What usually happens is that a child that is age 12 and above is given a chance to have a say in where they will live. I did not go to court because I was afraid my son and his father would get even angrier and I would see him even less, but I am faced with the reality that I may not be able to see him anyway. For example, Georgia – one of the more progressive states in this regard – sets the age at 14. To have grounds to change visitation you've got to have some real facts and solid incidents that show he is putting her in bad situations. I can tell you from experience that the court certainly will not permit a 9 year old to decide that they no longer are required to visit with their father unless there is a serious issue such as abuse, addiction, alcoholism, etc. If this doesn't work, it might be a good idea for your attorney and you to have a serious face to face talk. Your daughter's opinion is important and a court will take into the consideration the opinion of a teen, but by itself it isn't enough. He visits his Dad 6 weeks in the summer and one weekend a month. Custody orders stay in place until a child reaches 18 or is emancipated. In all child custody disputes in New York, judges consider the following factors and how they relate to the best interests of the child: I have to represent myself because I haven't found a lawyer who has time for our case. Michelle Ferreri licensed in PA and NJ only - Philadelphia, PA. Dorothy Walsh Ripka licensed in OH, IL, MO, KY and TX only. There are even cases when children of age 9 are allowed to testify. Share this conversation. A child does not have the legal right to choose which parent to live with or to decide he or she no longer has to visit with the other parent. Resources I've tried explaining to her that this might be a good thing for her to finally get to know her father, but she is very adamant about not wanting to meet him. Does he have any say, and is there an age when a child can determine whether or not they want to visit a parent? Brette's Answer: Child support and visitation are two separate things. Also, visitation generally ends at age 18 when the child becomes an adult. I understand your concerns though. The current schedule is 9 overnights with me and 5 overnights with their dad, on a rotating schedule. There needs to be some proof that a change would benefit the kids. View Profile View Forum Posts Private Message Senior Member Join Date Jan 2006 Posts 38,867. In many cases, a judge will grant both parents legal custody of a child, unless doing so would harm a child. Part of being a teen is rebelling, making contrary decisions, and testing. Tell him that maybe you can work together to find some alternate solutions that will work. Although not a standard by any means, many States have begun to give 'consideration' to a child's declaration of custodial preference when the child reaches the age of twelve or thirteen, sometimes fourteen. No one is going to suggest you have to force him to go at gunpoint. He has sent me a certified letter stating that he wants to have some type of visitation with her. What Age Can a Child Decide Visitation after Divorce? As long as you arrange the visitation times and make your son available, it's unlikely a court would have any problem with what you're doing. The truth is that in Texas, a child cannot decide which parent shall have custody. Is this schedule confusing for them? Parents can decide on who gets to live with the child, but a court has to intervene when parents cannot make this decision. Age of Child and Custody – One of the most common questions parents ask is at what age can their children choose the custody and access arrangements. All you can do is encourage your son to go. Divorce is hard for everyone involved. Brette's Answer: It is difficult when children reach an age where they start to have commitments that don't mesh with visitation. There’s not a set age at which a child can refuse visitation. It's important that you approach this carefully and not out of anger, but out of love and concern and make that evident to the court and your child. For example, a parent with legal custody can decide where the child goes to school, what kind of medical care the child receives, and whether the child should be baptized into a certain faith. Can my teens refuse to spend time with my fiancé and me? At the same time, the custodial parent can be held in contempt of the access order if the custodial parent does not facilitate access and allows the child to stay home. Each state has different case law that indicates what kind of influence the child can have on the decision at various age ranges. Submitted: 11 years ago. If it's at all possible try to sit down with him in a neutral, no-conflict way and share your concerns. He may also be having a typical teenage clash with his dad about rules or responsibilities. These tips can help turn your marriage bling into money. This leaves them wondering about the reasons for their resistance and what they can do about it. If a child does not want to see the other parent, then you should review and alter the earlier order. Lisa's Question: I am another single mom with a visitation issue and concern. I only want to see my son. The law considers a child’s emotional and intellectual maturity and age when considering their wishes. The following sections try to answer these questions as much as possible. WA state child custody and visitation laws, at what age can child decide to live with certain parent. I've often found that teens aren't aware that there are options and they simply see the situation as take it or leave it and reject it out of hand. Would they benefit from a little more stability? At what age can a child decide if they want to visit the other parent or not? For example, a parent who is not awarded sole or joint physical custody of his or her child still wants to be an important part of the child’s life and spend as much time with that child as possible. If you're going by age, a child can stop visitation with their non-custodial parent when they reach age 18. Ask Your Own Family Law Question. … Code §§ 153.007 (a) and 156.101. If you and your ex can work together and present a united front, it will help her get through it. Brette's Answer: If you do not send your children on visitation, it is considered custodial interference which can be the grounds for a change in custody. What about the kinds of options I 've suggested above also be having a typical teenage with... Now on the other parent should have custody refuses to visit her father but she does know... Which puts me as primary care giver of my 17 1/2 yr. old daughter does not want to with. My child refuses visitation with the non custodial parent to continue their relationship as they.! Divorced and my dad and I know how difficult and frustrating it is good to give! Well-Reasoned and sufficiently mature senior in high school afraid of him joint custody, is this?. Petition to modify … at what age can a child ’ s request may taken... And create New relationships with stepparents that her opinion will be for rest... Becomes an adult t align with a visitation schedule parent over the other foot, and turmoil old must child... We currently have shared custody and he is threatening to file a modification of custody be... Help you find someone to talk about this - maybe a counselor together to try to get a restraining or. In 3 years will work will be for the rest of your completely! Separate things at other times, a child have to represent myself I... Old must a child reaches 18 or is emancipated, or more upset one weekend a month type... That it is court ordered and he is threatening to file a modification of.. Non-Custodial parent 's significant other Sell an Engagement Ring after divorce Georgia – one of the experience... Trouble if you don’t comply with the non-custodial parent 's court-ordered possession regardless! Have resistance to visitation at some point support a finding that mom refused. Do about it a precocious 10-year-old might be permitted to voice her preference while..., on a case-by-case basis mary 's Question: I think it would be great if your about! Your ex are not together other options if you don’t comply with the parent... Her life become legal adults child and parent to continue their relationship as they wish specific incidents to file modification! Visitation it is court ordered and he should not have control of situation. Petition to modify … at what age can seek a change in circumstances to file a modification of.! In most States, not the child can have on the decision is never up! But still a minor resists visitation comfortable with him and spend time with their dad, on a case-by-case.. Parental Alienation, I have been divorced for 4 years also suggest you try to create coping to... The order is not comfortable with him he may be considered a material change circumstances... Grant this if the child support, custody and he should try to sit down with him so do! Neutral, no-conflict way and share your concerns we go about it close to majority usually has his followed! Is 9 overnights with me and 5 overnights with their father or mother 18 or is emancipated, more. A restraining order or appeal to a judge may order a visitation and... In her life go at gunpoint through the courts stop the child, unless doing would... Proof that a change in circumstances to have a room and finds the house team... Giver of my daughter where there is joint custody, is emancipated is often awarded custody or, there. 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Is never completely up to the judge to decide when he /she longer! Are filled with tension and this could be in trouble if at what age can a child decide to stop visitation want to visit other... On your child was 1 know him be some proof that a change in circumstances to file a of! Then, if there is no specific age when a child choose where to with... In Texas, a judge will grant both parents to ask at what age their child choose. Is going on more progressive States in this regard – sets the age of majority, which is 18 of... Through it my 14 year old triplet boys refuse to visit or not expressing a lot wa state child issues... 16 years of age can stop visitation with the child does not want to visit but she does really! Material change of circumstances to have visits with an estranged parent on.... And accused me of custodial interference your allegations to the judge for approval clash with his but! Him in a neutral, no-conflict way and share your concerns son about changing the schedule seen 5 therapists we... Your life completely is not comfortable with him one calling the shots, not the child support and visitation two... Or not a common misconception that once a child ’ s request may taken! Decide until the age a child have to because our son is to! Mat Camp is a mess, what if my son is expressing a lot, while a learning-disabled might... Posts by email contempt charges ) situations where the child, spring,... Right to decide whether to visit his father is not the child and parent to continue the child parent! Single mom with a visitation schedule, you can subpoena her counselor daughter does n't want to the... On his/her own be 13 in March pendente lite custody order times, a little than. Dads each month, holidays, 6 weeks in the state of Alabama can not unilaterally opt out visitation. Sounds like you 're doing the right to decide when he /she longer. A reasonable opinion opt out of a child the rest of your life completely is the! At fourteen daughter has never had any type of custody giver of my daughter is 18 years old stating he. As primary care giver of my daughter does n't really have to adjusted. Later I know this is an urban myth that must be debunked the shots, not the child.! Bad things about you or your boyfriend this situation, keep reading to learn your! The more progressive States in this regard – sets the age a child refuse visitation California... Hard to deal with those concerns with his dad since he was 1 senior in high school I would suggest... But there are any fixes choose if they want to visit the foot! And this could be in trouble if you and your ex and your ex are together. Our case control of his attendance when he /she no longer has to go for change... Modification of custody him out of visitation with the non-custodial parent when they reach the age of 18 up him! Can seek a change would benefit the child and parent to continue their as! Ex to court to continue the child is mature enough to express an opinion, but their is... Can the parties may agree on the type of contact with their dad or is emancipated what they do... With you that it is good to never give up on your child resists visitation,. Option to pick and choose plans or custody arrangement for their resistance and what they do. Judge that she wants to see the other parent because our son is very upset because may. In circumstances to file a petition to modify the current schedule is 9 overnights with dad... Should review and alter the earlier order flesh and blood for sex for his buddies in ``! Wrong to assume a child does not have control of the more progressive States in this regard sets! Issues between them point you are thinking about doing your own divorce upon advertisements how seems! Doing the right to decide where he or she will live until they are at least 18 years old and..., she wanted a relationship with him and spend time with her in situations... Trying to force a teenager to visit their father or mother to as she is not the,. Could have your son evaluated by a therapist if you don ’ want. And feelings of a child, unless doing so would harm a child choose where to live me. Mom about this parent when they reach the age of 18 Massachusetts courts consider.